Wow! That was ugly!! I could not color the situation any other way. Actually, the word “that” is inaccurate. I was the ugly one.

The truth stings but cannot be denied. How in the world could two little ducks make me so angry? Truth came to me during the night while I slept. I became aware of its visit as I awakened in the early morning hours. That truth also provided the basis for a necessary apology . . . actually two of them.

I engaged in a long-standing battle with my neighbors for over three years due to their housing a host of animals and their negligence in keeping them contained. In addition, they had three large barking dogs. We fought over rabbits that enjoyed my garden space more than theirs. A battle ensued when chickens went home to roost but had no comprehension of the difference between my home and theirs. Then there were the dozen Muscovy ducks–on a small city lot.

I have, however, reveled in peace and quiet for the past several months. I do not know where all of the animals went, but finally! No bunnies feasting away in my backyard; not a single chicken roaming and tearing up my flower beds with their scratching; nary a dog barking at night, keeping me awake at all hours; no barnyard smells. After three years of the worst, Heaven on earth had arrived!

The past few days brought sunny weather. I needed to check my drip irrigation system so I could make certain my newly planted strawberries and raspberries would produce lush crops for me in the coming season.

I was on my back patio, searching for a specific fitting when I heard a sound. A different kind of sound. I turned my head and saw two ducks, happily splashing in my pond. I blew up instantaneously. I didn’t even begin at a slow rate of indignation before going warp speed explosive.

For those of you who might not be aware, ducks create a filthy personal environment. They have no problem swimming in water they have just used as their personal Porta-Potty. God forbid my pond should become contaminated!

Before yesterday, I honestly felt I was quite the passive person, not prone to anger at all. The proof, however, is when circumstances become difficult, and perceptions are put to the test. Having the neighbor’s ducks in my pond was the very thing to set me off. I became absolutely livid, a ranting, raving, crazed woman.

I was beside myself, deciding what to do. I chased them out of the yard and continued chasing–where to, I had no idea. Herding ducks, even though there were only two of them, was like trying to herd cats . . . impossible. My garage door was open, and they ducked inside–no pun intended. My frustration escalated. The back door was partially open, and I envisioned them going in the house. Hysteria took over. They took to hiding under the car in sheer mockery as I chased them in circles around the garage with a broom in hand.

I backed the car out of the garage, removing their refuge. After closing the garage door, I charged next door. Anger had taken over.

The owner of said ducks was on her front porch. I immediately attacked her verbally. Feeling quite righteous with my diplomacy and no pretense of assumption, I yelled, “Do you have more ducks?”! (We’ve gone through the duck thing before).

“Are they mine? I was to see them to make sure they are mine.”

Her evasive response only fueled my anger. I shrieked, “Who else in the neighborhood has ducks?”!

She finally claimed ownership of two ducks, indicating they were housed in their back yard.

Let me tell you–anger has neither reason nor civility. I ripped into her, informing her that her ducks were using my pond for their swimming pool! I made more than one threat about what I was going to do if they showed up again. I made quite a scene, a pretty ugly one–one that does not make me proud.

Let me also tell you: a fit of anger affects the entire body as everything amps up. Adrenaline kicks in, placing stress on the heart. The heart and respiration rate increase as blood pressure rises. That state flies in the face of peace and tranquility. It took a while for me to calm down after dumping my tirade on the neighbor’s doorstep but finally, I did.

Going over the incident repeatedly in my mind, I realized as I went to bed there was no anger left within me. I concluded if the ducks show up again, I won’t explode. I won’t be angry. I have no idea how I will deal with it, but it feels as though anger emptied out of me like soured milk being poured down the drain–hopefully permanently.

Fast forward to my early morning awakening. The first thought I had was that I owed my neighbor an apology. In my state of anger, I was very unkind and said many things I shouldn’t have. I also realized they have made an effort to keep the ducks contained. They’ve had them for a while, and the scoundrels chose that time and that moment to escape.

I sent a message of apology as soon as I crawled out of bed–a genuine, sincere one. She responded in a positive manner, though I doubt she has reason to take me seriously..

I had no idea I had the capacity for–or housed–so much anger within my being. But there it was: stark, undeniable, and ugly. Of the flesh and not of His Spirit, exposure took place in all of its glory before God and the world.

Nothing–absolutely nothing–about anger is a positive. Anger creates destruction. It does not build up friendships or relationships but destroys. It will be a long time before my neighbor trusts me.

I did not represent God well in that situation. I owed Him an apology too. And did so. I have asked Him to deal with me so I am never again in that state. I embarrassed myself, felt stupid, and definitely did not practice what I preached.

I shared the incident and my sense of having anger cleaned out from my being with my lifelong sister/friend. Her response: “He continues to refine us for His name’s sake.”

I am grateful for the life I have been given as I walk with God. Once again, He saved me from myself, using two ducks to reveal my need for Him. He does not allow me to continue in a state that is truly awful but cleanses and redeems me, forgives and forgets, then sends me on my way–this time to a delicious Easter dinner and time with my family. I live a blessed life.

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. . . those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Galatians 5: 19-23 NIV

There is is: “fits of rage” vs. “self-control.” May God have mercy.